Sunday, January 25, 2009

The longest pseudo-comment ever

My large friend over at Huge Orange Enigma wrote a post asking for stories about, among other things, the general life of a married couple dealing with real life when real life isn't what you expected it to be. I'm paraphrasing. I started to leave a comment but realized after my scroll bar got REALLY tiny that I might want to take my thoughts in another direction. So, here goes...

I know Wifey will be over to Enigma's site to tell you all about the idiot who comes strolling through the door right as dinner is getting on the table but I wanted to jump in and say my piece (hopefully peacefully :0) before she could tell you the truth.

Enigma mentioned the heroic (yes, heroic... not many guys would have figured out the "right" thing to do in that instance) thing he did when he got home and found hope and love throwing up all over his house. (I've really got a flair for imagery don't I?) Then he went on to talk about the disparity between man-chores and woman-chores in their household. It was almost like looking into a mirror. This is something that Wifey and I have struggled with for our entire relationship. I've always not held up my end of things on the 'ol score card (the one I've been assured hasn't been kept but we all know the truth of that don't we?). I suck at seeing what needs to be done. Unless it's staring me right in the face, or maybe even biting me, it just doesn't register. I know it, all of her friends know it, it isn't a secret. Trouble is... even with everyone knowing it, despite my good intentions, not much gets better. No, that's not true exactly. If I take a look back at the day we got married and compare that poor schmuck (RUN!!!!!! Why didn't anyone convince him to RUN!!!!!!) to this poorer schmuck, I know I'm head and shoulders above where I've been. But, let's be honest... that wasn't hard to do.

One thing about our life nowadays, my schedule doesn't allow for picking up any of those daily (during the week), mundane things that happen before we're done with dinner. If Wifey wanted to share some of those fantastic tasks with me she'd have to step over and around them all day waiting for me to get home. I'm blessed, really and truly blessed, to be able to walk in and see my three wackadoo kids still breathing let alone playing, with JAM's homework done, and dinner almost ready to be put on the table. I know I'm not even close to being worthy enough for all of that.

I know I don't take on nearly the same amount that Wifey tackles during the weekends. We've tried all sorts of ways to get me to see what needs to be done... doesn't seem to help much. But it isn't like I'm sitting around filing my nails or anything, I'm always on the go with chores, projects, etc., but it isn't the same inside the house-type stuff she takes care of. The real kicker is when she has to do all the things on her list while still refereeing the three amigos while I "get to" go to Costco or Safeway or to the various home improvement stores for that one thing I forgot all about. I often try to grab at least one of the little ones when I go on my jaunts, but it still isn't the same.

I do take care of "all" the outside stuff (to varying degrees of competency and completion), the errands, the attic trips, etc. and I do try to help with some of the other chores. Again, I am absolutely blessed that Wifey takes care of a TON of the routine-suck-out-your-soul stuff during the week, like a lot of the laundry, dishes don't pile up, etc. etc. etc. I know I should grab some of the other things from her, and recently I've tried to be more aware. It probably won't ever be absolutely equal, but the best we can try to do is work as hard as we can and pull our family in the right direction. As long as we don't add to the problem, like I've been known to do at times in the past (and maybe a little bit today even with an impromptu invite to some friends to come over for dinner when there was a million things to do before I left for a trip next week - yeah, totally didn't foresee that idiot move), I think the family running smoothly is all that matters. If it gets too out of whack then something needs to change but you'll be sure to see that coming a mile away. Just listen for the steam shooting out of her ears, it's a dead give-away.

All this is to say I know Enigma's pain. Well, its not really his pain we're talking about is it? The best I can say is grab something, anything, that she usually takes care of and make it yours. Unless your married to Super Woman who gets it all done before you get a chance, I'm sure it will be most appreciated.

Now, to try and own my own words....


Hugeness said...

Thanks, man.

(How's that for the shortest actual comment ever?)

Corinne said...

That was long, but it was good :)