What in the &$%# was I thinking?

There is a funny phrase that we've been kicking around at work, to put a nice bow around the reaction of some more distant colleagues to some of the new initiatives that our office has been trying to implement... No good deed goes unpunished. That same phrase nicely encapsulates the last few days of our vacation in Williamsburg, visiting my father and his wonderful wife. As the prospect of spending 5 days or so in a new environment, sans most of our familiar toys, games, child-proofing, gates on stairs, etc., I began to realize we'd need a game plan. What could we do to help pass the time? Bring the bikes! Done. Bring the Wii! Oh yeah, done. Toys, books, enough other assorted crap to make us have to borrow DnB's roof-top carrier in order to cart it all down here? Done.

So, what else? I know! I heard a story on NPR the other day where the afternoon anchor invited a cookbook author into her home for a personal tutorial on how to make a gingerbread house. It sounded like so much fun! And what a cool way to spend some quality time with the kids working with great tasting treats!!! So, it was a plan. I picked up a bunch of decorating things at Target the day after Christmas and we hit the Super Wal-Mart down here for all of the other ingredients. Then, away we went.

Dude, I don't know how these "bakers" do it. I mixed up three batches of gingerbread batter (one double batch, then realizing that my plan was way more ambitious I did a third) and let it sit overnight in the fridge. I’m such a homemaker!

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Check out my ambitious plan made out of cardboard...

Next day I did the baking, cutting out each piece using my cardboard pieces as templates. Took me a while to figure out how to transfer the rolled and cut pieces to the cookie sheet. I finally figured out to put the rolling sheet on top of one cookie sheet, then put the other one on top and flip them over. I’m such a smarty. Pretty sure people who do this all the time could have figured that out prior to totally wrecking one of their pieces. Ok, not such a smarty.

Anywho... I got ‘em all baked, which took FOREVER and the assembly started the next night. Let me tell you, all these how-to and tutorial sites… they are in need of some serious revision. They all need a sign on them saying NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART or maybe FATHERS, WHO HAVE ONLY A CURSORY KNOWLEDGE OF BAKING, SHOULD NOT EVEN THINK OF TRYING THIS. Yeah, that about covers it. Why do I say this? Because aside from using some sort of construction adhesive or 2x4’s and wood screws putting these dang pieces together ain’t easy. I had to play with the icing glue for a LONG time to figure out how to get the right consistency to hold these things together. But, I did it! I did the four walls last night, and put the roof on this morning after making a fantastic breakfast.

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So, hopefully after nap the kids will finally be able to jump in and decorate. Only four days later...

Yup, nice easy project to do with the kids. *shaking head*

Merry Christmas to all!

The presents have been torn through, the stockings are empty and rehung, Red is snuggling in her bed for nap and Pudge is refusing to sleep, and the NBA is on. Who can ask for more?

Some pics from our fun morning...

My little future doctor with her new kit.

Red surveying the loot. Too bad Santa didn't buy her some pants.

The three amigos. Wifey got JAM some footie PJs!!!!

Me showing off my favorite new shirt. Thanks Wifey!

Being a good Daddy, modeling some of Red's new play jewelery. Aren't I pretty?

Just a cute pic of nearly nekkid Red.

The aftermath.

More loot.

I didn't realize they were calling for a hurricane!

From our crazy family to yours, we hope you have the merriest of days.

If it weren't so funny

If this weren't so funny, I think I would cry. Check out these border patrol agents showing why our modern immigration policy isn't quite up to snuff...

Seriously... how many people can you fit in a minivan?

A tribute...

To all those "Stay at Home"s out there, you have my utmost respect and admiration.

For some reason, wifey and I seem to be surrounded by a huge contingent of families where one of the adults stays at home while the other works. And I'm proud to say that it is not always the women who are staying home - you rock Drew!

So, to all those who keep our worlds running smoothly and try their hardest to make sure there will be at least as many kids in the house (and breathing) when we get home as when we left, this is for you...

Just thank God it isn't us.

Special Time

Today was a day full of special things. First, something for Wifey. I cleaned the upstairs bathrooms. Yup, little ol' me. And it wasn't even her birthday.

Then, JAM and I took some time out to go to our little independent local one-screen theater to catch a noon showing of The Polar Express. We love this movie. We love the book even more but they did a really good job on this movie. I will say that there wasn't really any reason to put in the scary moments (it's a story about belief and trust and caring, not an adventure story) and I think they overdid the roller-coaster sequences (3 or 4 of them in a 90-minute movie), but all in all it was a very sweet movie for kids.

Our favorite part, by far....
Sorry, best clip I could find, sound is pretty weak

Then, after Red got up from her nap, she and I took a little walk down to a friend's house so Red could visit with her 3-year-old daughter and I could say hello to their brand-spanking-new baby boy. I can't believe how little they can get. Seeing as how Pudge was my last experience, and dude came out as big as a third-grader (not quite, but 10lbs is pretty hefty) this little guy was a shock. :) Red and I had a great time walking to and from, practicing our leaf stomping and then having a go at a new playground in our neighborhood. It was wicked cold out though, and getting dark, so we cut that short. She was a trooper and walked the whole way although right before we got to our friend's house and then again right after we left the playground she started telling me she wanted to go to sleep. Her way of letting me know she wanted me to pick her up. Yeah, Daddy wasn't playing that so girlfriend got to prove to me that she could make it. And she did. I ain't raising no wusses. :)

So, #1 and #2 got some special Daddy time and Wifey didn't have to get all up-close and personal with the porcelain. Good day all around I would say. Poor Pudge, he was left out of most of that. Gotta go roll around on the floor with him now. He's our snuggler and he loves a good tickle.

Quick Launch and custom icons

A computer trick I picked up today... from your friendly neighborhood wanna-be tech geek. PC only though so all you Mac weirdos can just go hug a tree or something. :)

Do you use your quick launch tool bar? It is located down next to your Start button and allows you one-click access to some of the programs you likely use frequently, as well as a handy Show Desktop button that minimizes all open windows to get you back to your desktop. Did you know you can create a shortcut to any program or even any file you access frequently? Talk about a time saver! All you need to do is right click on any program icon in your Start menu or any file icon and choose "Create Shortcut." Then, once that shortcut has been created you can drag it down to your Quick Launch toolbar and let it go.

Here is a picture of my quick launch:

Notice how I’ve got an icon for Microsoft Word and a few other programs down there? Really quick and easy access.

But wait! There’s more! Do you see the unfamiliar little buttons in my picture, the ones that don’t look like normal Windows icons? There is one that says Voc, another with a G and a third with an 09. In the past I’ve made shortcuts to files of a similar type, 2 Excel files for instance. It was pretty hard to remember which was which and I was always opening up the wrong one. Although there were loads of pages dedicated to turning on and off your Quick Launch toolbar I couldn't find any that tied that in with making your own little icons for different files. So, I did some quick searching and learning this morning and found out how to create my own custom icons. After doing some reading I was able to create an icon saying 09 for a shortcut to an Excel file with 2009 data in it (not to be confused with the one I used to have with 2008 data).

As I said, one issue was when I had two different quick launch icons that were the same. Another problem I’ve run into was sometimes you can create a shortcut to something but the icon Windows gives you doesn’t make any sense. I wanted to create a shortcut to a network drive we have at work (the G Drive) and the icon for it looked like this: . I had no clue what that icon was supposed to be. So, I made the one that says G and applied it to the shortcut and now I will be able to remember what the heck that button does!

So, how the heck did I do all this?

It is really pretty "simple," just follow these steps...

1. Open a image editing program. I use Fireworks but Photoshop for you fancy people or even Microsoft Paint that comes with every PC in the world will work fine too.
2. Create a new image that is 32x32 pixels. Make it look however you want but keep in mind that because it is so small you won't be able to do much with it.
3. Save that image as a .jpg file to your My Documents, Desktop or somewhere else you will be able to find it.
4. Go to http://www.irfanview.com/
5. Download their free InfranView software and install it.
   
   I am not verifying the safety of this program. Their download came from cnet's download.com which I've found to be pretty respectable in the past but the choice is yours to trust them or not.
   


6. Open the newly installed InfranView.
7. Go to File >Open and locate the .jpg you saved in step 3.
8. Go to File > Save As... and save it to the same easy to find location with the same name as your original (makes it easier to keep track of). Make sure that when you save your new file in InfranView you choose the .ico file type at the bottom of the dialog box:
   
   


9. You are done with InfranView for the time being so close it out.
10. Find the icon on your quick launch toolbar that you intend to manipulate. Right click on that icon and choose Properties.
11. Click on the Change Icon button:
    
    


12. Click on the Browse button and find the location where you saved your new .ico file.
    
    
13. Select your new .ico file and select open, then OK, then OK one more time and your new icon should be attached to your shortcut. If it isn't, you screwed up so don't blame the instructions. :)
    

I hope this works for you, it's been a nice little tool for me.

Thanks to http://graphic-design-tutorials.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_to_create_your_own_icon for pointing me in the right direction.

Happy Friday!!!!

'Tis the season

So you may be wondering where the heck all these posts are coming from, all at once. Well, a while ago our desktop crapped out on us and then the laptop Dawn was using started going goofy too. This woman is death to computers. With all that in mind, she's been kidnapping my laptop every night so I haven't been able to post in a while.

Now, back to the regularly scheduled post...

Christmas season around the 'chez which means waiting until way late to get the tree up. We finally did the deed last weekend and the kids had a blast with it.

Witness---

Yeah, I love my goofy kids. How about some pics?
and if you see some abnormally large amount of white space between this text and the pictures I blame blogger because I've gone over the code like a hundred times and nothing is wrong... grrrrrrr.

Pudge gettin close and personal with some fake tree branches and lights	Red putting up her first ornament	JAM and Red ornamentizing the tree	Pudge getting involved
Wifey lookin' good	Pudge and his abnormally large Dad	A blurry but nice pic of the whole fam	Red hamming it up
Goofy face	Little brother loves his big brother	The three amigos	Another of the three
Okay, last one	Did you ever see that Steve Martin movie where his little son puts a bucket on his head and runs into the walls? That's our Pudge.	JAM can't be left out!

Happy holidays to everyone from all of us!

To Facebook or not to Facebook

Wifey and a lot of other friends have jumped on the Facebook bandwagon. I... have not. I have my reasons, both public and private ones. My friends all tell me that using Facebook is a great way to connect - with new friends as well as old ones. My usual comment is that if I wanted to get in touch with someone I would, Facebook or no. That is a safe answer. It is easy to say, understand, and get away with. I end up looking like a grump but that is a small price to pay to cover up the truth.

Back in March I posted about an instance where an old high school acquaintance contacted me and how much it scared me because I still carry a lot of baggage from that time in my life. I am still not at all comfortable with the idea of reconnecting with people that knew me when I was less than the person I wish I would have been. It's really tough for me to know how to work through that.

So, what's the reason for the timing of all this? Wifey showed me a page on Facebook that has dozens of people who graduated with me from HS back in 93. As I looked at the names and faces of kids I went to school with I couldn't help but feel all those same feelings again. Man, I've got a lot of work to do. Proven by recent events within my own family, getting over old impressions is about as tough as can be, even when you desperately want to move past them. How would it be dealing with people who have no personal interest in moving past old impressions? I know I still have all those thoughts and feelings about certain people. If I'm feeling this way, with all that I wish about moving on, I can only imagine how people would act who have no such feelings.

Maybe someday.... lot of work to do first.

A very Muppet Christmas

One of my favorite memories from growing up was our Christmas tradition of listening to John Denver and the Muppets when we were setting up the tree and on Christmas morning. So, it's been great fun indoctrinating teaching my kids all about these wonderful songs. It really is a lot of fun, I highly recommend it.

So, imagine my joy when I was surfing the other day and came upon an ad on NBC.com telling us about their new Muppet's Christmas special, A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa. I was so excited!!! And, I was really looking forward to sharing this with JAM after the two young ones were safely tucked into bed.

Then, we turned it on.

Big song and dance number up first, following a cameo by NYC Mayor Bloomberg.

So, what was the topic of said song and dance number that we were all waiting for???? The Post Office. Yup, Jesse L. Martin singing about how we should all be thankful for the mail carriers who bring our letters to Santa. It's going to be a long hour.

Oh, and Wifey didn't mind one bit that Mr. Law and Order himself showed up. *sigh*

Piss and vinegar is more like it

Sugar and spice? Are you flippin' kidding me? This little girl is a true gift. The only problem is... I haven't figured out whether she was sent from above or below.

Tonight was a doozy! Wifey took off after dinner, about 630ish, to go to PTA. Big Red was not at all pleased that Mommy was headed out the door so Daddy dipped into the 'ol bag of tricks and totally bribed her with a Halloween candy when we went upstairs for bath. All was well as Pudge got into the tubby and Red munched her peanut MnM's. Things were even very nice as the two started playing with the Rescue Heroes and these plastic tubey things we have in there that the kids use to make trumpets and pour water on themselves with. The night went downhill quick from there let me tell you. Pour Pudge was minding his own business trying for all his life to suck the paint off the foot of one of the Rescue Heroes when Red accidentally bumped him on the forehead, which, by the way, he had just slammed into the hearth. So, I tell Red to please be careful and watch out for her little brother. What does she immediately do? Knock him in the same spot again.

Seriously?!!?

So, I thought it was important to get her to realize what she had done and get her to at least acknowledge it with an "I'm sorry." Ohhhhhh. Bad idea that. This little peach decided to go mute. I really hate it when she does that. Looks you right in the eye and pretends she doesn't know how to speak. Daddy doesn't do well with that. I know it. I'm a reasonable adult who knows he shouldn't let a two-year-old get his goat. Yeah right. She kills me with this every time. And I fell for it again. I'm a dummy. I didn't let it go. I thought it was worth it to make her at least say the words. It escalated. She started to cry. She lost story. She cried harder but refused to acknowledge her brother. She lost snuggles. She cried harder. She was threatened with immediate bed time. I picked her up out of the tub and gave her one last chance to just please-for-the-love-of-all-that's-holy say "I'm sorry!!!!" No dice.

One thing Wifey and I promised never to be (hard to say never but we've probably stuck to this about 98%) those parents who say one thing then give in to the crying and whining. We try to never say something we aren't prepared to follow through on and we've learned to always be very measured in our "threats." So when I got to the point of "bed or else" I knew that I might potentially have to follow through.

She was in bed at 7:02. What's normal bedtime? 8ish. Life was not good. I asked JAM to hang out with Pudge as I got her dressed and into bed and he was a champ. He was having a great time playing with Pudge when I got back into the bathroom so I asked him if he wanted to take a stroll down memory lane and jump in to play. So as the two boys played in the tub we were serenaded by the lovely musical stylings of Red screaming from her bed in the next room. Oh it was lovely.

After Pudge was done with tub, and JAM was taking his own shower, I relented a little bit and got Red back out of bed for a story. It was a good thing too, she told me she had to use the bathroom. We then moved back into normal territory and read a story and did our almost normal bedtime routine and felt so much better by the time the lights went off.

Yeah, I caved. A bit. Guess there isn't really an "always" or even a right way to do all of this but we can only do our best right?

Only 16 more years right?

*shaking head*

Because God told me to

No, seriously. God has spoken to me and I am inclined to listen. It's no secret that I've struggled all of my life with questions about faith and organized religion. But this? If this had been around in my "formative years" then things might have been very different. Although I wasn't married then. So this might not have been as formative as I initially thought. But, IT IS STILL EASILY THE COOLEST THING I'VE HEARD IN A LONG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the best thing about it? Wifey told me about it. ;-D

Pastor’s Advice for Better Marriage: More Sex
The video --> http://www.thestar.com/News/World/article/538128

Sorry folks, I'm just doing the Lord's work.


*disclaimer* To any of my readers who happen to be seriously happy and content with their faith in God, I love you for it and often wish I had the same faith. This post was written entirely tongue-in-cheek. No offense intended.

I just wonder...

...what I will do when my little ones get that old. I'm speaking about a news story I heard today on the way to work. Apparently a new movie was released last night called 'Twilight.' I am so out of the loop that I had no clue what the heck this was all about but the point of this post is not the movie itself, which from what I've heard today I'm not sure is even appropriate for its audience. Something about vampires and love and hot boys and all marketed to the 8th grade set. Interesting. Though again, not the point of this post. The point? Midnight release. On a Thursday. Not a holiday weekend kind of Thursday mind you, just a normal run of the mill type Thursday. As in school night kind of Thursday. With bazillions of pre-teen and teenaged kids all over the place going to see a movie AT MIDNIGHT!!!!

Am I the only one who thinks that this is a bit out of line with what 12 and 13-year-olds should be doing at midnight on a school night? Waiting until 7pm the next day and seeing the movie like we would have to have done was apparently just too much for some kids to accept? Is it just bizarre to think that parents can draw a line at leaving the house after 8pm on a school night?

No, clearly I am not the only one. As I was listening to WTOP this morning on my drive I heard a snippet of the President of the National PTA talking about how out of whack this is, how parents should know when to put their foot down and make the right choices for their children. I've searched all over pta.org, WTOP, CNN, Washpost.com, NPR, etc. trying to find the clip or at least a news story of this woman and what she had to say but apparently the Obama's choosing Sidwell Friends School for their kids is a far more important news item than millions of parents allowing their kids to do something outrageous like this.

So, as I began this post... I wonder what I will do when JAM is 14 or 15 and comes to me with the latest "I have to this or I'll be labeled a social outcast" or Red decides that she needs to go to that party even though it might not be the safest choice. I hope we'll do what we need to do now, and in the next few years, to lay the ground work so that we won't have these kinds of issues but even with all the planning and good intentions, something like this will inevitably surface. I know it will, and I hope I'll be able to look the kid in the eye and say no. Even if it means I'll lose my Dad of the Year title. Well, let's be serious. Like I was ever going to be in the running for that in the first place.

I'm not a bad father, really I'm not!

No seriously, I'm not a bad father. Let me explain!!! This past Saturday was Pudge's first birthday. Normally I try to post at least a happy birthday announcement or something of the sort to at least immortalize the moment. And to make it look like I care. Because I do. Really.

But this time, I had a different idea. I knew Wifey would post something, which she did, and it was a wonderful account that will no doubt serve as birth control to all young ladies who read it. But, I had something different in mind. You see, as our good friend Geoff was taking pictures so I could actually be involved in the singing to Pudge, I couldn't help but reminisce about JAM and Red's first birthdays and their mandatory cake-all-over-the-place pictures. So, that was the post I wanted to write. But, I couldn't for a few days because actually remembering all the requisite pieces, such as time, availability, having the hard drive available to get to the old pics, etc., is tough to do when you suffer from CRS. Oh, that's Can't Remember S&$t for those of you who don't know.

Moving on.... The party was a huge success, thanks to Wifey's tireless planning and preparation that took three days. Seriously, three days. Well, when you have 16 people in a house made for 4 it takes a lot of doing. Especially when you're dumb enough to have kids in a cold month, and then it rains all day so the attendees can't go outside and play like Daddy had hoped. Yes, I was very nervous that everyone would be miserably crammed into our teeny little home. In the end it worked out wonderfully and everyone at least said they had a good time. Thank goodness our friends are such bold-faced liars. :)

The strangest think about the party though... Pudge decided he wasn't a fan of chocolate cake. Didn't want to have anything to do with actually eating it. Playing with it? Smushing it? Throwing it around our dining room? Oh, he's fine with all of that, certainly. But putting some in his mouth? Like Sarah Palin, thanks but no thanks. At this point I'd normally make a joke about wanting to get him tested to see if he is really mine but if we could track the cake-eating addition in our household I would venture to say that Wifey takes the prize and I can attest to the fact Pudge did indeed arrive along traditional means from said woman. So who knows why, maybe he is just one of those wacky kids who doesn't like cake. Better for him I'd say. I've seen what his mom does to people who stand in her way of cake.

So, without further ado, here ya go....

My three amigos...

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Boys are wierd

I realize this may not be a shocking statement but I'm confused about something. I am a breakfast eater. I can't not do it. I get grumpy and end up eating something crappy later in the morning if I don't eat something for breakfast. But, I tend to leave my house before the rest of the brood is up and running around so I don't usually eat breakfast at home. I have some time at my desk in the morning, while catching up on email or getting ready for the day when I will eat a bagel or a bowl of cereal. Yes, I have a lot of food in the office. I hate spending 8 or 10 bucks for a crappy lunch every day so I'm known around the office as the place to go when hungry. I have a fully stocked mini-fridge, and enough canned goods to survive a small storm.

So, after eating said breakfast I wish to brush my teeth, which seems like a normal enough thing to want to do right? However, I've been experiencing the strangest thing. I work in the training department of my organization which means that we have lots of visitors in our building all the time, all of whom are strangers to me. That goes to say that I also share the restroom with many strangers. Now, the point of the "Boys are funny" title is this... when men use the same restroom in many situations there is a code. Depending on the level of comfort amongst the patronage, there will be varying degrees of silence or conversation. This sometimes even extends to those enjoying what we will call a longer and more involved process taking place behind closed doors. I mean it, guys outside will carry on a conversation with someone on the inside while that inside person is taking care of some seriously personal business. That is just strange, but still not the point of this post.

Here is the point - given this very interesting culture that develops in a men's restroom (between men currently holding on to their most prized possessions) why is it that little 'ol me gets the strangest looks while I am just brushing my teeth? Seriously, you should see the looks I get from guys who were just scratching and/or taping (way too many times too, anything more than 3 taps is just playing BTW) their junk or pushing with all their might while carrying on conversations with one another.

It's just strange.

And dudes.... wash your hands... with soap. Waving your hands in the general direction of the sink just doesn't cut it.

With the good....

...comes the bad right? With all the excitement and joy that followed last Tuesday's historical election I've been remiss in not using my teeny tiny little soapbox to speak up and decry the work done by a minority to outdo the wishes of the majority. I'm speaking, of course, of Prop 8 in California. I'm not going to waste time, or paragraphs, trying to change the minds of those set against the love of one person towards another. I do, however, want to speak to those who blindly followed any religion in opposition of the right of one person to enter into a commitment with another person, whatever the title attached to it.

In my knowledge of history each and every religion has in some way been persecuted against by members of their society or other religions. The Celtic Pagans were wiped out by the Catholics, the Native American's spirituality was wiped out by the Christianity of the American government and pioneers, the early adherents of Christianity were summarily executed for their beliefs by the ruling Roman government, the leaders of the American Mormon Church battled each other and were driven from their homes and murdered in cold blood, and the list could go on and on. The point? Simplistically stated, in my mind, members of any organized religion should be some of the most understanding and supportive members of our community. They have felt the point of the sword from those that don't understand, they have suffered by the hand of those that sought to oppress. How could anyone who adheres to any religion that I know, that teaches love and hope, possibly find enough animosity or (I don't want to use the word hate because I don't know if that strong a word is true) fear to take a stand against two people entering into a loving and committed relationship?

I know there are folks out there that are far more eloquent than I could ever be speaking on this topic. I don't have legions of production assistants or graduate students finding sources or writing copy for me. What I do have is the pleasure of picking up pieces produced by such organizations. I'd like to point to a piece done by Keith Olberman. Normally I watch Olberman because he makes me smile, laugh, and I have to admit that he and I lean in the same direction; although I fear he is a little more diagonal than I am. But in this instance, he is speaking not through a political lens, this is about people, about real human beings being denied basic human rights. And here I was thinking that we already fought for all of this back in the 60's.

Where I live, people are people. Love is love. Instead of spending your time finding fault with how other folks live why don't you volunteer at a local homeless shelter or at your local school? It might teach you some humility and increase your love for others less fortunate or just plain different than you. We could all use a little bit more of that.

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Way too smart...

This little kid of mine is just too much. Last night, after we stopped off to get JAM and Red a haircut (Red's first BTW, pics soon), we took a quick run in to the local food mart (which I hate so I'll not be giving them any free press here). Way in the back, next to the other processed meat food (hot dogs and sausage) is a huge colorful display of the Lunchables. Perhaps you've seen these little bits of hell? If not, let me explain. Take a seemingly innocent enough lunch-time meal that a child might find enjoyable such as pizza, ham and cheese, hot dogs, etc. Then, jam and cram as much sodium and fat as you possibly can into these innocent looking, colorful, comes-with-a-treat, box lunches. Yeah, explaining why I'm saying no to these is not the easiest thing to do when confronted with a young child's pleadings. I mean, how bad can pizza fixings on a cracker be?

For example - Turkey/cheddar Lunchables

Um, I'm sorry. Did that say 48% of an adult's daily allowance of sodium? Combined with 45% of the daily recommended max for saturated fat?

And parents willingly let their children eat this garbage? Why exactly? I mean I know we shove a lot of crap into our own mouths but we're lost causes right? These are our children we're talking about!

Which segues nicely into the next part of my story. So here we are, in aisle 3, or as I like to call it "the aisle of killing me softly with meat by-products", with JAM begging me for a Lunchable. Now, this hasn't happened in quite a while because as you may know, JAM doesn't eat much of anything that isn't pizza, grilled cheese, PB&J, hot dogs, or pancakes. So when he comes out with "Daddy - will you please buy me a Lunchables?" I immediately said no of course but then wondered quietly to myself why he asked me that. But, with the other younglings two in tow and Wifey and I trying our hardest to get in and out as fast as we could I decided to shelve that question until later.

Then, while we were down perusing the fresh fruits and veggies (where we spend the most money by far - it's tough trying to do this right - those Lunchables are looking better and better all the time) JAM asks me a strange, what I thought of as out-of-the-blue question.... "Daddy, are Happy Meals bad for you?" At this point I'm distracted trying to figure out the difference between an organic green pepper and a grown-with-pounds-of-cancer-causing-chemicals green pepper when they are sitting right next to each other, looking exactly he same but one costing twice as much. So, in this distracted state I give my immediate answer - yes, of course Happy Meals are junk - almost everything at Mickey-D's is junk. Totally didn't see what came next.... do you?

So out comes his next question..... "Daddy, if Happy Meals are junk and you eat them why can't I get a Lunchables?"

Two things instantly crossed my mind. First, I am so totally never giving him the toy from a Double Cheeseburger Mighty Kids Happy Meal that I buy so I can get him the damn toy again. I mean, I'll still get my beloved double cheeseburgers (I am the King of the Dollar Menu), but he ain't getting squat. And, in the interest of full disclosure .... Double Cheeseburger Mighty Kids Meal.

ohhhhhhhhhhh... soooooo goooooooood....... Just look at all that protein!

The second thing that crossed my mind? This kid is too smart for his own damn good. Or mine. I blame his mother.

And you want to know the kicker to all of this???? He didn't even want the damn Lunchables! He just wanted to get some *&$%ing Star Wars card that is inside so he can play a $*%@ing Star Wars game on the Lunchables web site.

Sometimes you just don't see these things coming.

Happy Birthday to my Beautiful Wifey

Today (yesterday? did I post this too late???) my beautiful bride celebrated her birthday with a day full of the normal screaming, crying, diapers, laughs, smiles and love she enjoys (?) every day home with the babies. The real fun came with a dinner out at Chevy's with some great friends and a ton of kids. Yeah, lots and lots of kids.

Happy 33rd dear wife. I appreciate you each and every day, I love you more and more with each passing minute, and I have absolutely no clue how you keep sane with all that screaming. ;)

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