Way too smart...

This little kid of mine is just too much. Last night, after we stopped off to get JAM and Red a haircut (Red's first BTW, pics soon), we took a quick run in to the local food mart (which I hate so I'll not be giving them any free press here). Way in the back, next to the other processed meat food (hot dogs and sausage) is a huge colorful display of the Lunchables. Perhaps you've seen these little bits of hell? If not, let me explain. Take a seemingly innocent enough lunch-time meal that a child might find enjoyable such as pizza, ham and cheese, hot dogs, etc. Then, jam and cram as much sodium and fat as you possibly can into these innocent looking, colorful, comes-with-a-treat, box lunches. Yeah, explaining why I'm saying no to these is not the easiest thing to do when confronted with a young child's pleadings. I mean, how bad can pizza fixings on a cracker be?

For example - Turkey/cheddar Lunchables

Um, I'm sorry. Did that say 48% of an adult's daily allowance of sodium? Combined with 45% of the daily recommended max for saturated fat?

And parents willingly let their children eat this garbage? Why exactly? I mean I know we shove a lot of crap into our own mouths but we're lost causes right? These are our children we're talking about!

Which segues nicely into the next part of my story. So here we are, in aisle 3, or as I like to call it "the aisle of killing me softly with meat by-products", with JAM begging me for a Lunchable. Now, this hasn't happened in quite a while because as you may know, JAM doesn't eat much of anything that isn't pizza, grilled cheese, PB&J, hot dogs, or pancakes. So when he comes out with "Daddy - will you please buy me a Lunchables?" I immediately said no of course but then wondered quietly to myself why he asked me that. But, with the other younglings two in tow and Wifey and I trying our hardest to get in and out as fast as we could I decided to shelve that question until later.

Then, while we were down perusing the fresh fruits and veggies (where we spend the most money by far - it's tough trying to do this right - those Lunchables are looking better and better all the time) JAM asks me a strange, what I thought of as out-of-the-blue question.... "Daddy, are Happy Meals bad for you?" At this point I'm distracted trying to figure out the difference between an organic green pepper and a grown-with-pounds-of-cancer-causing-chemicals green pepper when they are sitting right next to each other, looking exactly he same but one costing twice as much. So, in this distracted state I give my immediate answer - yes, of course Happy Meals are junk - almost everything at Mickey-D's is junk. Totally didn't see what came next.... do you?

So out comes his next question..... "Daddy, if Happy Meals are junk and you eat them why can't I get a Lunchables?"

Two things instantly crossed my mind. First, I am so totally never giving him the toy from a Double Cheeseburger Mighty Kids Happy Meal that I buy so I can get him the damn toy again. I mean, I'll still get my beloved double cheeseburgers (I am the King of the Dollar Menu), but he ain't getting squat. And, in the interest of full disclosure .... Double Cheeseburger Mighty Kids Meal.

ohhhhhhhhhhh... soooooo goooooooood....... Just look at all that protein!

The second thing that crossed my mind? This kid is too smart for his own damn good. Or mine. I blame his mother.

And you want to know the kicker to all of this???? He didn't even want the damn Lunchables! He just wanted to get some *&$%ing Star Wars card that is inside so he can play a $*%@ing Star Wars game on the Lunchables web site.

Sometimes you just don't see these things coming.