I'm angry

I know this post is going to be pitiful/a less-than-satisfying waste of time even as I start to write it but I've got no other outlet for my anger. Two things are on my mind, and in typical guy fashion I want to take steps to either fix the problems or at least lessen the pain but I can't do a damn thing about either. I'm going to be purposefully abbreviated (i.e. not go into huge detail) because this isn't about letting everyone else know all the dirty details, it is purely about me starting to get things off my chest.

First, my mother. I don't have words or emotions to adequately explain how much she continues to hurt me. I don't even think she's trying to, or at least I hope to God that her nastiness and back handedness are unintentional. We got her semi-traditional holiday letter and Christmas card in the mail today and it was chock full of happy bullshit - letting everyone know how much they (her and her drill Sergeant husband) loved spending time with their kids... how they loved making special time for their grand kids. Excuse me? I'm wondering exactly when she's ever made special time to be around my kids? THAT was at the heart of my issues with her and she never even acknowledged it, no matter how hard I tried. Yup, my JAM has well documented difficulties that made it tougher to spend relaxing time at the beach with him but it was always my thought that family was supposed to be able to deal with that - they were supposed to find a way to support the parents and shower the kids with love - no matter what the difficulties were. Lord knows we did it for other people's kids. But the same could never be said for little JAM. He was always the odd one out and our "peculiar" or "strict" way of raising him didn't help any. I know - not letting a two year old watch Star Wars or drink beer is just too outrageous to comprehend. And I can really understand how much of a burden it must have been for us to have asked for some help, or at least a visit, after her granddaughter and subsequent grandson were born. Yup, it was very rude of us to think they'd maybe reschedule a trip out west, or maybe just cut it short or something, in order to be here with us. No, that's too much like selflessness and the only "self" that works in this family is selfish.

I'm digressing... so the first thing that got to me tonight was her bat-shit crazy letter and her little personalized note saying how next year she hoped that she'd have more to say about spending time with us. Yeah, as soon as she makes the least bit of an effort to say she hears our message and she's going to work on not treating us like second class citizens...

The second thing that happened tonight, as if I really needed a second thing, happened at JAM's school. We've been lucky enough to have JAM attend his school even though we live about 18 feet past the boundary into another horrible district. Yup, that huge ugly highway right outside our door? That's the boundary between the have's and the have-not's. In the beginning, JAM was going to before and after care at his old babysitter's place in the "good" district so we were able to get a special transfer for him to go to the "good" school. It didn't hurt that I was working in the school system at the time so getting the transfer was easy. In the three years since we've had really great relationships with the Vice Principals at the school and continuing the transfer has never been an issue. We've been involved, we've volunteered and donated (even more than we really should have money-wise) and been supportive of the school and the teachers the whole time. We thought we'd earned some credit.

Now though, the system is making noise about not allowing special transfers anymore. None. Not for any reason that I know of although I'm sure there are special-special transfers that will be allowed to continue. I mean, some boys just need to continue putting ball through hoop at certain schools right? So anyhow, we're at the school again tonight, supporting and participating in the book sale and art night when Wifey makes a comment to the Principal about her fears re: the transfers. The Principal's response? Paraphrased - "Oh - that school isn't so bad!" Yup, no concern about our little boy having to pull up roots, lose all his friends, go out of his neighborhood to another school... just - "don't worry - I'm sure he won't get shived."

So there you have it. I felt just fine until right after dinner when the shitstorm hit. And I'm not sure if you've noticed but I've made it a point of pride not to have cursed - at all - ever - on my blog. I'm making a special exception just for tonight.

Online Learning Gets a Boost

Interesting article today on the New York Times' BITS Blog. According to a recent study done for the US Department of Education, learning done at least partially online results in a significant improvement in learning based on quantitative comparisons. (here - http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/19/study-finds-that-online-education-beats-the-classroom/)

This is extremely interesting to me because I've been trying to make inroads along these lines at work. Having research to fall back on will help to bolster my argument that we've become stagnant in our approach and especially as our workforce becomes increasingly infiltrated by the Millennials we'll have to keep up with their expectations for learning.

As a student of both traditional (of course) and online instruction, then as an instructor in both arenas, I recognize the challenges faces by new online learners. There is definitely a learning curve involved, and all new online learners should be prepared for a new way of doing things. But, it is my stance that the "I just learn better in a classroom" excuse is not valid. It is definitely different, and it will take some work and time to get used to, but the evidence suggesting increased value in online learning gets stronger every day. As in everything else we do as professionals, if your (learning) skillset does not evolve then you run the risk of becoming extinct.

Another pang of regret

Even though I made the move from education to a slightly more corporate culture, I still like to keep in touch with what is going on in both education and ed-tech circles. In addition to the normal news reporting and the Washington Post articles I read, there are a few blogs I keep up on in order to do that. One of them is David Warlick's blog, 2¢ worth. As I was reading his post from yesterday I got to thinking about my start at UMCP, my years teaching, my years working with and training both preservice and in service teachers, my masters work in instructional technology, and how much I really do miss using those skills.

I commented to his post that I was still so sad that UMCP had not made the jump into the 1990's and still only offered a single technology course for their undergrads. How sad. But, as I was thinking more and more about the topic, instructional technology, it brought back all those feelings like I had jumped ship. I still hope to go back one day, to find a new leadership position in a district somewhere (most likely not PGCPS where I was - I still hear more and more horror stories out of there). Although I am so happy where I am I still can't help but feel a little pang every now and then that I'm forsaking my calling a little bit.

Those little moments

Sitting at work today, up to my eyeballs in mundane grunt work (must be the reason why it hasn't gotten done by someone else before I picked it up to do it) when the phone rings. I see the number is from home so I'm figuring Wifey is calling to add one more thing to the Costco list (my regular weekly post-work run) but when I say hello I'm surprised to hear JAM's voice on the other end. I could hear in his voice he was excited and smiling so I asked him what was up. He called to tell me he had gotten his report card today and he had gotten all A's! No wonder he was smiling. This poor kid works so hard but his dang teacher kept forgetting his 504 and nailing him on study skills and garbage like that. Dude had pulled all A's already in all the "important stuff" - you know, all those things that he's getting tested on like every other week? - so we weren't worried in the least about his academics but his poor heart broke every time he didn't get that final one or two A's. It was especially hard when he made it to the honor roll assembly and his idiot Principal told all the 'all-A' kids to stand up and then chastised the rest of the kids up there for not being like the others. "You can do it" type garbage that took what should have been a wonderful time and killed it for JAM, and I'm sure all the others too. I wasn't able to be there but Wifey said she saw JAM's face just drop when Principal NoTact dropped that bomb.

I'm not thinking about the very real possibility that JAM's walking-dead teacher only gave him an A in everything to get us to shut up about making sure she was doing her job and providing JAM with the required accommodations. We know she isn't, and she knows we know, but she thinks we're going to stop pestering her if she just gives him high marks. Think again lady -we know your game! She must have forgotten that I got real good playing that game too when I spent those years in the high school. hmmmppphhhh.... We'll meet again soon. :)

But, I digress from my point - as usual. I'm so happy for JAM, and I can tell he feels really good about himself right now too. That is a rare enough occurrence that should be rewarded, I'll have to think of something. It is definitely little moments like that phone call that can just make or break your day. Thank God it was a good call - he deserves it.

Real learning

JAM is one smart kid. I'm not one of those nutter fathers who was convinced his kid was bound for Yale while he was still in the womb. I have no pretentious notion that he will be the next Gates or Obama (hehehe). But, even though his school is trying to drill it out of him he still does love learning and I love that. Everyone who knows him knows he is a reading maniac. He went through the new Tiki Barber book in a day. I think he read it again the next day. You should have seen our friend Bin's face when she heard that. :) It was priceless.

So, why the blatant outpouring of pride? First, as I mentioned, the school system is trying their hardest to kill his love of learning with hours and hours of drill and kill. Gotta pass that test. HE'S IN 3RD GRADE FORCHRISTSAKE!!!! Let them enjoy learning for a little while longer! [Does anyone know of a school for kids who aren't in danger of failing and can read on or above grade level and even love math who don't need to be drilled into the ground to ensure they pass the damn test?] Even through all this my kid still loves to learn. If something is new, and exciting, but still learning, he'll eat it up. God I love that.

Second, my kid not only loves learning but he loves doing it with him mom and I. He will go anywhere, watch anything, read anything, with this bright light in his eyes. We've been to the zoo, the butterfly garden, the Smithsonian, the National Book Festival, real life practical learning opportunities. He loved them all. Today I found an article on the TechLearning site telling us about this cool add-on to Google Earth that shows over 12,000 objects that are orbiting Earth. You've got to check this out - it was very cool once JAM's wanna-be-geek dad figured out how to use it. :) So, here we were, it was 8pm on a school night, and we were spending our "special time" learning all about orbit, satellites, trajectory, USSTRATCOM, software like Google Earth.... I'm not sure if I made this obvious enough..... HE WAS LEARNING WHILE HAVING A GREAT TIME DOING IT!!! I really wish his school would learn how to do that. Having him sit next to me with an amazing smile on his face as we turned on and off individual orbital trajectories and set the Earth spinning. It was beautiful. He was beautiful.

Welcome to my JHU Friends

This post is a welcome to all of my "students" that just started a course with me at The Johns Hopkins University. It will be an amazing trip and I wanted to say that I was so ... proud is not the right word ... impressed with all of you and the work you did Monday night. I threw a TON of new information at you all and wanted to see how it worked, didn't work, how we might stumble, etc. and you all stepped up and knocked it out of the park. Sorry, JAM had a baseball game tonight and I've got a million baseball metaphors in my head.

I now have all of your blogs in my reader and can't wait to see where this takes us.

Good luck and let Demetri or I know if you need any help. And I expect your delicious accounts to start filling up with blog help sites and tutorials very quickly. :)

MICCA #2 - Will Richardson (again) on "Podcast, Vodcast, Screencast Nation"

I'm sitting in on another session with Will Richardson. This session should give us plenty of information about creating and using podcasts, vcasts and the like. I am looking forward to it.

Will is once again streaming his session using the ustream service that I am extremely intreigued with. His channel on ustream is www.ustream.tv/channel/weblogg-ed-tv

Lots of interest with ustream so he spent the first few minutes, unplanned, talking about this service. I love presenters who go with their participant's interests rather than sticking to some contrived script.

Ustreamtv - live streaming of presentations, recordable for achival
Will used camtwist for Macs - nice tools for video production - use with Windows?
Search YouTube for ustreamtv for instructional videos
You can password protect streams and send links out to certain people - great for use with schools.
Embedding possibilities - post into a teacher blog post rather than use the commercial ustream site

creativecommons.com - for teachers to use to create copyright
flickr.com - creativecommons section - 50 million photos to use as long as you cite the source

_podcasting_
3 steps-Capture, produce, distribute
captureing - 3 choices - ipods w/italk connection, iriver, built-in mic
recording software - audacity, export as an mp3 - need lame plugin
upload to a server, send out a link
gcast - use phone to record, get a url to share
podomatic or odio - record right to their server,

_video_
capture - dv camera (look for a camera w/an external mic port and a firewire cable but usb2 is faster than firewire) or a flipvideo camera
produce w/ imovie or moviemaker
(see links on his wiki)

_digital storytelling_
combination of media
Alan Levine - cogdog - used 50 tools to create storytelling projects- http://cogdogroo.wikispaces.com/StoryTools

Will Richardson @ MICCA - read/write web

I'm at the MICCA conference today and I had the lucky pleasure to sit in on Will Richardson's Read/Write Web presentation. I saw his presentiaotn last year on RSS feeds and it literally changed the way I look at information and the possibilities for education.

His site for this presentation: http://willrichardson.wikispaces.com/

I took notes during the presentation, my comments are interwoven with quotes and ideas of Wills....

discussed limitations of physical space and how the web is erasing those problems through social networking

surfthechannel.com - service collecting links to pirated shows and movies - not advocating its use *wink*

children going from a filtered environment at school to an unfiltered env. @ home and not knowing what to do, how to act

lack of creativity in pulic schools, prescribed curriculum

showed his cluster map from his blog - I thought of Warlick's cluster
he mentioned that every visitor to his blog was potentially his teacher and how you can't do that in physical space

fanfiction.com - social site relating to literature, mentioned that these tools are not being used in schools. how could they be used when you can't control the content? teaching smart security is one thing but you can't control the content. you can tell them to look away but the first glance will still happen. parents will not accept that.

using phone as a text finder - "all" students have these devices, why not teach them how to use them as an educational tool? have to start in early grades, can't expect students who've used them inappropriately for 6 or 7 years to all of a sudden use them in an educationally appropriate way.

MIT Open Courseware - sharing knowledge, content is everywhere. teach students how to find it, vet it (this site happens to be worthy content but not all sites share that distinction), find others who are also passionate about it, and they can build their own learning using new tools.

wikipedia - "collaborative construction of truth"
Colbert's "truthiness" - truth is what we feel is true, not what is actually true
kids are going to be creating content but without us teaching them to check their facts, ideas, find and use worthy sources

google docs running with skype at the same time, just like sittign next to another person who shares their interests

teach them to find up to date info rather than memorize info - example of memorizing # of planets.

errors in text books - problem is not that there are errors, it is that we or they can't fix it. so why still have text books????

getting outside the classroom - thinwalled classrooms. skype to bring outside resources in.
scratch from MIT?
having a network of anyone, kid 13 y.o. from perth teaching will's kids using skype !!!!! anyone can be a teacher.

"if you have a computer in the room you are no longer the smartest person in the room."

physical space is not where the best learning takes place. don't get rid of teachers, physical space is still important, but we need to tap into outside resources to access the best learning.

the "friday folder" - all the paper in the world coming home but kids will never look at them again -->
willowdale elementary - willowweb - podcasting - authentic assessments and activities

spoke about the people who don't get the need to change or are unable to affect the change. so, think about it differently. connect with other people, get more dots on your map. presentation was running on weblogged-tv - proved that people are getting together to discuss interests that are common to the group.

*applause*

An old tool with a new face

I saw this post (http://elearningtech.blogspot.com/2008/04/social-learning-objects-flash-cards.html) to Tony Karrer’s eLearning Technology blog (http://elearningtech.blogspot.com/) and it intrigued me. Remember flash cards? Some teachers and students swore (still do?) by them, some hate them as another example of rote memorization that contradicts true learning. But, with the addition of interesting multimedia capabilities, and the ability of students to share their work and for teachers to create assessments based on these multimedia enriched flash cards, does this change the game enough for these tools to become appreciated and useful again?

An interesting conversation to have… I wonder if JAM is old enough to need these yet. Definitely next year when The Tests start. I hope he appreciates 2nd grade, 3rd grade will be all test all the time. I hate this monster we call public education and what the politicians have done to it.

Field Trips

Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to accompany JAM and his class to the National Aquarium in Baltimore. It had been so long since I had been on a field trip, and although wifey and I both had the distinct feeling that I was given a particularly challenging group of students to chaperone, I had a really great time. My background being in education afforded me a great opportunity to spend time with these four second graders and work with them to understand what they were seeing. I take what I know for granted far too often, not realizing how many learning opportunities there are when spending time with JAM. We spoke about why certain fish were doing that, or why certain sharks could or couldn't be kept at the aquarium. The dolphin show was wonderful as we learned about training and care of dolphins and how people and our affect on the environment affects all other animals.

It truely was a fantastic day but I can say one thing for sure... I am just not used to so many little voices. My head was ringing and I was exhausted after that day. God bless teachers of anyone under 14. I know I couldn’t do it.

What do I want to be when I grow up?

One of the considerations when you take a new job is the benefits that job comes with. When I took my new position at JHU there were a number of benefits that were really attractive to me. One was the retirement benefit. Although I am not old enough, nor have I been there long enough, to take advantage of this benefit when I turn 35 it will be a really nice nest egg that I start building. The other benefit that caught my eye was the tuition remission that all employees at JHU enjoy. Although it is not near enough to cover any sort of program, especially a doctoral program, I don't want to leave that kind of money on the table. And, it was a clear goal of mine to start a doctoral program in the next few years. Although before I had to leave the public school system I had no intention of starting something so soon, especially with Pudge being born, I think starting sooner rather than later is a sound idea. And, I would really like to have my Ed.D. before I turn 40.

So, I had a conversation with some administrative folks in the Education dept. today to feel out the process of starting a program at JHU. It was a fruitful conversation because I learned a number of things. First, the difference between a Ph.D. and an Ed.D. There are many considerations but I know at this point that my emphasis should be on the application of instructional technology, not the development of future research. I want to tackle the problems in curriculum, find ways to change the culture of curriculum design. And, I DO NOT want to take any statistics courses. :) God I hated stats as an undergrad. I know it will be different now that I am an adult with the advanced age and wisdom that I enjoy (huh?) but I still don't have to look forward to it.

I also learned that the JHU program is a ton more expensive than I could ever hope to afford. That all by itself would be a deal breaker. I'm a firm believer that any potential benefit has to outweigh the cost of the program. Why would I spend $50,000+ on a program if I can't expect to get that money back in potential income? It seems silly that they would charge that much.

Lastly, the program at JHU turned out to be cohort based with a very prescribed set of classes that are heavy on data-analysis and like I said, stats. There is no room for individuality in their program so it is everyone does what they say you do. Your dissertation is yours, of course, but apart from that, the first three years would have been hellish to me.

So, no to JHU. I've got to start looking at some other programs. I saw one at Wayne State University tonight that looked promising. I wonder if wifey would mind moving to the most depressed and depressing place in the country - beautiful downtown Detroit.

I couldn't have said it better myself...

In a previous post I discussed some of the reasons why I wasn't in the classroom anymore. One of the reasons I mentioned was the (for lack of a better word) horrible behavior of some students in and out of the classroom. I discussed the culture found in the hallway and the inability of the school administration to get a handle on it.

In this week's Greenbelt Gazette there was a commentary written by a former teacher who is currently working as a retire-rehire substitute at a high school a stone's throw from my house. In his commentary Mr. Fox does a phenomenal job speaking for all of us old classroom teachers who had students disregard everything we were trying to do for them. I would recommend it to everyone who has ever been in, wants to be in, or considers themselves worthy of speaking about public-school education.

See the article at http://www.gazette.net/stories/011008/princol132359_32358.shtml

I wish it were an option

A few years ago I made a decision to leave the classroom. Although I wasn't sure it was for good I was pretty sure I would never be in front of a group of MY students ever again. And to be honest, I was happy to do it. I loved teaching. I got goosebumps countless times when I knew, for whatever reason, that I drove something home to the students. I would be standing and delivering (I really didn't do that much, I was more of a project facilitator than a lecturer) and I would see the lights come on in their eyes and I knew I earned my money that day. I had kids who had been turned away from everyone else, or who had turned away themselves, become stars in my class. I believe it was a combination of the content, the environment, and a good dose of "I ain't putting up with your crap you little over-confident under-educated 15-year-old" directed from me to them that created the atmosphere where they could settle down and succeed. Kids with straight D's and E's (remember when failing was an F?) would get their hands on a computer in my class and I would lead them to great projects that meant something to them as people and wondrous things would happen. Then, I left. For a number of reasons I think, but none more so than I couldn't stand some of the kids. Not even really my kids. Something happens when a student becomes your student. Even if they don't like you or care about your class you know them, and hopefully have their parent's ear, so most of them hop when you say hop and stop when you say stop. But it was the hallways, the lunch room, the smoking pot in the stairwell right outside my classroom that really got to me. It was when I realized that the administration at the best school in the district didn't have a clue what to do or the time to do it. Pack 3,000 students into a school that was supposed to hold just over 2,000 (how having a school with 2,000 teenagers ever sounded like a good idea to someone I will never understand) and the admins just never stood a chance. They were overworked, sometimes hardly qualified, and I just couldn't take it anymore.

Now, I wish I could go back.

Why? I miss the kids. I run into former students all the time. That happens when you live in the same town where you taught. That was one of the things I liked most about living across the street from the school, I knew I would see them and I thought that gave me some extra ownership of the whole process. I could say that I lived here and I taught at the school and people would look at me differently. It was nice. I miss building relationships with kids, "good" ones and "bad" ones. I got some kids to straighten up, I lost some kids who were used to rolling over people because they were smart, nice, or white. Yeah, they used that to their advantage. I hated that most of all. But the ones I got to I really developed lasting relationships with. I still have them emailing me. That is nice too. I like knowing I had a hand in getting them into good colleges, preparing them for the real world. I never lowered my standards for a single kid but I modified my expectations for each student. That was hard to do. But I loved it. I miss those A-Ha moments. Like I said, goosebumps. I miss MY ROOM. Man, my classroom was awesome. Ever walk into a classroom where you just know the teacher can't wait to leave at the end of the day or doesn't care one bit for the space they use? Not mine. I covered my walls with personal items, student work, anything to add interest to the space. I wanted the kids to know that they were coming into a place that I loved being in. Most of the time. Yeah, I could go on and on....

Why don't I go back? First, money. What a pitiful excuse, but I can't think of a more important one. If I went back to teaching I would be putting my families future, the future that I envisioned for us, in jeopardy. Not like mortal danger or anything, but there is only so far you can go on a teacher's paycheck. How sad!!!!!!! It isn't like I am pulling down the gonzo bucks in my new gig at a major university - it is about equal to what I would have made at the same salary over a 12-month span, not the 10-months that teachers get paid. But, it is guaranteed 12 months of money. I wouldn't have to hope that some summer work would show up. Granted, I was always really good at finding summer work at school, but it was never guaranteed. Now, I know I will have a paycheck all year. That is a nice safe feeling. Plus, the retirement is about 1,000x better. I wasn't planning on stashing away much cash as a teacher and the pensions were pitiful. This will give me enough to retire on.

Second, like I said, there is only so far you can go as a teacher. I knew that if I wanted to move upward, and I think everyone should want to move upward, I would have to move on. The biggest reason for me wanting to leave the classroom really was the fact that I wanted to help more students. At most I only had the opportunity to help the students who were enrolled in my classroom. After I left to become a technology coordinator I was in a position to help all the teachers, and by extension all the students, in the school. Now, I have the ability to possibly affect the teaching and learning across the nation. Literally. To continue working out of the classroom at the county level I would have had to become an admin, and if there is one thing about me that I know it is that I do not want to be an administrator. I want to continue in instruction because that is what I have always been. In no way do I see myself spending all of my time disciplining misbehaving students and dealing with moron parents. Yeah, I said it. Moron parents. If you have ever been in a classroom you know what I mean.

In my new life I can move into all sorts of other things, teaching being one of them (but at a higher level) but it will all be instructional in nature. I can earn my Ph.D., start speaking or writing, become an expert at one of my various passions. None of that seemed possible when I was in the classroom. Your whole life is devoted to the classroom when you are there. It is a never ending process of days, nights and weekends. No time for Ph.D.'s there as far as I could tell. Yeah, I know some people have made it work, they are far better than I.

So, I wish I could go back but I realize I can't. And it makes me sad.